The first month or two of being a mom, whether it's your first or second time, can be some really dark days ladies. "Dark Days!!!" (again Tessa's term) No one talks about how hard it is. You've given birth and are flooded with emotion. You are so amazed and blessed that you are meeting your baby and sharing this moment with your beloved family....and you are overwhelmed by the task at hand.
It has been a dark time for me...(Even though nanny frustration isn't helping, I am day 3 of no nanny! More on that later.) Coco's crying a lot because of acid reflux, and hubby and I are just plain exhausted from the late night feedings. We are barely alive but then have a spunky 2 1/2 year old to contend with. He wants to party I am telling you! Party starts at 6am, skipping and dancing and I literally feel hungover from lack of sleep.
Coco is now 5 weeks and she is adorable, but the isolation of these first days are tough. I cannot thank enough people who have brought us meals, visited, and told me their stories of motherhood and their "dark days".
I often wonder how in the world Mothers did this back in the fifties. Was there quiet desperation? Things not spoken about? Or were grandmothers and sisters living down the street who were helping and neighbors to the rescue? I have great neighbors but I am home ALONE with these two!
The loneliness you feel as you sit there, burping your baby with spit up in your hair, your body hanging in places it never did before, bleary eyed trying to remember if you paid the gas bill, is palpable. You feel like a one trick pony. No longer are you a wife, a woman, a sassy gal on the town...you are a walking boob. A feeding device. An exhausted hag who needs an eyebrow wax.
No time for phone calls, lunch dates, or fancy dinners out. You are house bound and losing track of days. Where did your life go?
Let's make a pact shall we? That we will share our dark days openly and not feel judged for not being perfect or handling it all. That we will show up to new mothers houses with lasagnas and tissues. That we will look for support and not suffer alone.
I know my dark days will turn into some gorgeous good times with my beautiful boy and girl...I just have to be where I am and do the best I can do. Just had to tell you the truth, the while reason I started this blog was to share the good and bad.
How about you Moms? Ever had these dark days? Come on share. It will do us all some good! xoxo The Mrs.
My friend Tessa is obsessed with the "head shaping" subject and thank God because if you don't pay attention your kid will wear a helmet! When you have a baby it is important to put them to sleep in different positions to help shape their heads. Babies naturally want to gravitate to sleeping on one side or the other, head to the right or left etc. This is why you must help them by changing it up. I alternate Coco from sleeping on her left and right side and back all through her naps. This helps prevent torticolis (Torticollis, or wry neck, is a condition in which the head is tilted toward one side, and the chin is elevated and turned toward the opposite side.) Do you know about this? Speak up Mothers!
Yes I saw her and yes she looks soooooooooooooooooooo thin. Anorexic? Maybe. But soooooooooooo thin!
I have been noticing this "so thin" thing coming back again. Remember how all the stars of Ally McBeal were looking too thin? Now it's the stars of the new 90210. Even the girls on Dancing With The Stars are looking soooooo thin. Julianne Hough is looking waaaaay too thin. Have you noticed?
My last day of question answering...not that I won't answer other questions...go right ahead! I have left some of the best questions for last!!!
Lamp Tramp wants to know how in the world I find time to blog. I have no idea. I think it's just if I get a minute I do it! Also some posts I do before hand...I am a planner after all.
Diapers to Designs wants to know what my favorite dinner to make at home is? Turkey Meatloaf. Easy and delicious!!!
A peaceful life wanted to know what style I decorate in...Palm Beach Casual I call it! Colorful and bright! I also love Dorothy Draper inspired looks. Basically when Preppy met Beachy. Hey great blog name! My favorite furniture? My curtains! Or my antique sideboard.
Jillian Inc. almost stumped me....
Favorite snack: "Almond in the Coconut" bites from Trader Joes!
Lip color: Chanel Gloss: Giggle
Magazine: Domino! I am so sad it's gone!!! I am trying to make myself feel better with In Style...
Jewelry (besides wedding ring): My new Lilly Pulitzer Pink Enamel Cuff I got from Mom for my birthday!
Life of a southern Belle...I do know some very famous people. Wish I could say who....but the reason we're friends is because I don't make a big deal out of it!!!!
I knew there'd be some Mommy questions...after all I am One Fabulous Mom! (Ha!)
Adventures of a southern newlywed wanted to know when I decided to become a mom. Well, deciding and being one are two different things I have learned! I decided in 2004, walking on the street one day I was just READY! Then fertility issues prevented that from happening until 2006. With Caroline it was just a miracle!
Preppy Mama wanted to know what it's like to be back into the infant routine and juggle Landon. Now I don't want to scare everyone, but it's the hardest challenge I have ever faced! The guilt you feel giving attention to one and not the other is bad. I try to really focus on Landon, he is older and needs one on one time. That way he's not jealous of Coco. I also let him do whatever he wants with her (within reason!) he's been so sweet to her so far...even kissing her on her head. I Love Pink knows how it is with two. She wondered how we're adjusting. We are doing pretty well, I just need to get past acid reflux and Landon's 102 temperature! (When it rains it pours!)
Bee and Rose wanted to know if I am parenting different with a boy and girl. Too soon to tell I think....so far it's the same!
Momx2- I was in my early thirties when I met hubby, we married when I was 33. I met him at a two year olds birthday party in the Hollywood hills. Prior to hubs I was an actress and writer and had just sold my first script. I still write screenplays but felt done with the acting gig.
Europa Fox- what a loaded question!? Big goals for this next year? To survive motherhood with two kids!! Also, to get back into my original shape before I had kids. I also would like to sell another screenplay and write my book! I want to feel great and look great when I turn 40 next year!!! An anonymous person asked (Mom is that you again?) if I have considered writing a book on Motherhood and let me tell you that is exactly what I am going to do! The reason I started this blog was to flush all that out for myself and connect with other moms. I am a full time mom, but also a writer. The mom thing sometimes just takes over. That's life ladies! I employed a nanny at first to keep writing...now I feel like it's because I need to keep my sanity! Having no help and trying to raise kids on your own now seems harder than ever.
Speaking of birthdays, Pouring it out there and Preppy Sue, got all deep on me asking what was the best birthday gift I ever received. Well, I could say all sorts of clever things (my computer because I write...my children....my Donnie and Marie Osmond Barbie dolls from childhood....)but I think what my favorite gift really is? My sense of humor. If I didn't have that I would just lay down and die!
Icing on The cake asked my favorite restaurant...well since she lives in Los Angeles too I will say my top three are: the Brass Cap, Asia De Cuba and Upstairs 2.But for everyone else I would say "Treats on the Water" in Santorini, Greece! Stephanie wanted to know what the hubby and I like to do together and believe me dining out is one of our favorite things! That and traveling!
PS LizzieFitz, my least favorite word in the English Language is PORTION. I hate it. Can't deal with it!!!
PPS Sunnyside! The Yummy Tummy Tank Top is the only way to go to look fabulous after pregnancy!!!
PPPS Beauty of Bamboo- Landon does a mommy and me class once a week but he was just accepted to preschool. He will go three days a week in the fall.
****Cancersucks? You know what I miss? Dexters!!!!!
More questions answered tomorrow...and the winner!!!!!
You guessed it! Coco's name is Caroline. She is named after my grandmother who was an amazing painter and friend. I gave her my middle name so she would have the same monogram as her great grandmother! (Thinking ahead!) We wanted to call her Coco because I love the name. My friend Tessa's sister Courtney goes by Coco and I just died over the name. LOVE IT!
Sweet Caroline officially has acid reflux and after using Zantac (worked a little...) we switched to previcid. Pray for me that it works because she was up all night last night and hubby and I are ZOOOOOOMMMBIES!!!!!
Tomorrow more questions answered and Friday the big winner will be revealed!!!! not too late to leave a comment or question for the Mrs, you can still enter my give away until Thursday night!
Mom x 2 wanted to know where I went to college. Well, some of you know that because you have found me! I won't reveal the name but it's a small college in Florida. Boy do I miss it!
Preppy 101, I did NOT grow up in Los Angeles. I am an East Coaster, and more importantly a southerner! I was born in North Carolina and raised outside of NYC. My favorite thing about living in Los Angeles (besides the awesome celeb sightings) is the weather. It is pretty darn near perfect and then you have beaches and mountains. Everything here is so dramatic! I travel to other places and it seems flat and bland. I like a lot of color and excitement! I think I will always live in California.
Mags, I came to L.A. as a stand up comedienne and actress from NYC, but dreamed of living here since I found out my idol (Carol Burnett) lived here too. That was in the second grade. Knew I had to be out where sitcoms were made because I was obsessed with TV like Who's The Boss, Family Ties and Growing Pains. Moved out here not knowing anyone and made my way. It was tough but worth it!
Always Organizing wanted to know my coolest celeb sighting. Well Schneider from One day at A time of course. I just about flatlined. A close second would be working for a few months with Kevin Costner...too many stories to tell!!!
More questions answered tomorrow...and your first clue to Coco's full name? I'll make it easy! Neil Diamond sings about her....
Mary Poppins took off on me. That's right. Nanny just didn't show up and left, also causing big drama. Now I am on the hunt again. Coco has been screaming her head off, so we are heading to the doc today to see if she has acid reflux like her brother had. She was up all night, screaming all day! Top it off with me having to interview new nannies. I am exhausted, emotional and feel like a mess.
This motherhood thing is not for the week is it? You carry precious cargo for nine months and then bam! You are supposed to feed, care and clothe it and yourself while getting no sleep. Makes no sense to me!
I have no time for phone calls, or emails (last count 735), or anything besides survival. My house is full of things that need to be done, all waiting on me!
I have literally asked myself what I was thinking having another baby. Landon was doing great, life had settled a lot. Now there is a tiny dictator in the house controlling us all! Coco is like the Mery Streep character in Devil Wears Prada. Remember how Anne Hathaway thought she was smart and sassy until Meryl threw her coat and purse on her desk every day and told her to eat it? Oh yes, that's me. Smart, capable (one fabulous mom right?!) then Coco comes to town and I fall apart. Yep. I am admitting it ladies. I don't have it all together or even close!
I am hoping things settle down soon but I am too emotionally exhausted to be hopeful! I keep thinking of my days as a single gal in NYC and LA. What did I do with all that extra time!!!!??
Stay tuned next week when I reveal Coco's real name, the winner of my stationary give away, the answers to all your awesome questions, and try to survive Coco my new boss.
Thank you for the birthday wishes and the fabulous questions!!!! I am so excited to answer them next week. For everyone that asked a question or left a bday greeting I am entering you in a drawing to win stationary from my company So Luxe! I'll announce the winner next week!
Oh yes it is. Easter and a birthday all in one month. Am I lucky or what? In honor of my birthday I would like to introduce a little question and answer time. I'd like to call it: Ask the Mrs!
Ask me anything darlings and I will answer it all. No question to big, to small or too funny. Go ahead. Ask. I know there's still one question a few of you want answered...what is Coco's full name!? That will be answered as well!
Go ahead! Here's your chance! Happy Birthday wishes accepted too.
I believe everyone should find a holiday and claim it as their own. Landon's Godmother owns Halloween. I mean she adores it. I llooooove Easter. I go all out. I love the joy and hope it brings and the peeps! Ahhhh...the peeps.
Easter was great this year but I had to do a lot of prep to make it all run smoothly...helloooooo I have two kids now!
The table was set the night before...
The Easter Bunny came for Landon and Coco...
As you can see the cat thought it was for him....lots of babies in the house...I told you!
We went to church, then came back and had brunch at our house. We had portabello mushroom soup, to start and then, ham, scalloped potatoes (Julia Child's recipe), asparagus with hollandaise sauce (Hubby made it and it was great!!!)
Here we are in our church finery! Happy Easter everyone!!!
There is a myth darlings that when the baby comes out your stomach will naturally deflate and you will look like Edita from Dancing With The Stars. Not true dears...
As you recall from my last posts on being permanently pregnant, I am hoping the tummy retreats but I am knowing in my heart there will be a battle. I am two weeks out of a C section and doc says that at 6 weeks your stomach has done all the shrinking and flattening it's going to do on it's own. At 10-12 weeks I can start Ab work. I have lost thirteen pounds (only gained 25) but I need to lose about thirty more pounds to be where I want to be.
So for now I am eating less, wearing a stomach brace they gave me in the hospital and trying to find clothes in my closet that make me look fat but not pregnant. Lovely. All this and breastfeeding, no sleep, and hormonal.
I am telling you motherhood is not for the weak. You have to keep your life going, try to maintain your sanity, while trying to fit in your jeans. Tough times.
On a happier note I am ordering my birth announcements. They are through my company So Luxe, but made by Dabney Lee. Looove them. Will post about it soon!
Oh ladies, you know after you've had a baby you've seen all the gadgets...and rarely do I find something that really blows my mind enough to utter the words "I wish I had that the last time I had a baby"...but I invoked that very phrase after using my gorgeous computer brain called "Itzbeen".
To tout it's virtues properly I must remind you that when you are pregnant and for a long while after you lose your mind completely. I mean if you don't write something down it does not exist. I mean you will leave the milk on the counter after you pour it in your cereal, and the cereal will be in the fridge. I mean you will start a task and never finish it because so many other things will crowd your brain.
Someone (probably a woman), realized this and created a gadget that tracks, feedings, diaper changes, naptimes and whatever else you need to remember. When I feed the baby, I push the button with the bottle on it and it starts counting. Then I know how long "it's been" (get it? ITZBEEN?). I use the extra spot for my medication and let me tell you after a C section there is no need for heroics. Take the pills. Take them and be glad!
So me and my little computer brain take care of baby Coco. You can even set alarms to wake you up to do things. Itzbeen does all the work while I go around like a zombie. I love this thing. Get it for every new, or second time mom you know!!!!!
I love reading all your comments about what you did to get your baby to sleep! Desperate times call for desperate measures I say. So here's my latest one. I nurse Coco on one side, burp her, and then nurse her on the other side. She falls asleep, I carry her in the same position to the bed and put her to sleep! I know, illegal. Where's the burping? She's not swaddled!? That will teach her she needs to feed to sleep!! I don't care. She's a week old and it's 4:32 am. So there it is.
PS I will be catching up with all your blogs this weekend!!!
If your kids are dying to have a "sleep over" but are too young, try having a pretend one. Invite the friend over and leave the kids with a baby sitter while you and the parents go out for dinner. Let the kids have their sleeping bags and PJ's and go to sleep. When they wake up in the morning asking where their friend is, say they just left!